Saturday, January 1, 2011

After Eggs, Bacon, and Peanut Butter Banana Oatmeal with Yogurt

So, we had a good time playing games lastnight with my brother and Lela.  They left right after midnight. I think Lela was as tired as I was!  We played Trivial Pursuit which was a lot of fun actually, and Jason got a bit tipsy which was cute... a good way to start the year... laughing.  I had one beer, and like I said, I laughed the whole time they were here.  Before Jason and I went to bed, I asked if we could quit smoking now that it was the new year.  He said yes.  I am not sure what is going to happen today though, because he woke up and almost went right outside.  I said, "you goin outside?" and he said he was thinking about it.  I really want to quit... I want to have more kids and be a grandma and smoking isn't healthy.  I want to feel energized and good.  Smoking hurts that too.  However, I don't like having my husband smoking as we live together, naturally, and I am addicted enough to still be tempted by those things!  In fact, I don't know if it is real or the addiction, but I like smoking. I don't like the way I feel afterward, but I still always want to do it... Ah!

Nevertheless, I know that God made me to be a non-smoker and I was the first half of my life, so I know I can do this.  I know that I cannot do it alone, but I do not have to... I am not perfect, but I am not alone.  “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” – John 14:18  ---The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17

So, I pray:  Father in heaven, 
I do not know if smoking is a sin, but I fear that it is, because it hurts my body and Your spirit dwells in this body.  I pray that You take the desire away, and make me clean and healthy.  I thank You Father for my husband and his health, a warm home to sleep and keep me busy, and Your blessings.  I thank You for being with me though I do not feel you, I believe you are there.  I praise You!  Dear Lord, forgive me all my sins, black as they may be, and let me be a joy in Your sight.  I pray Your Spirit dwell within me and bring me comfort. In Jesus Name Amen. 

So later this day... it is not Jason's fault that I smoked.  I smoked a handful of cigarettes today.  Jason smoked first, and in my head I justified it as an excuse to smoke myself.  Though, I know that I was just looking for an excuse.  This is ridiculous.  I will not lose heart.  My God is mighty to save.

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