Sunday, January 2, 2011

Chew.... Chew... PARK

SO.... I have bought Nicorette gum... now I know that the Lord can get me through this.  With Jason not wanting to quit, and he won't even talk about it because he gets mad and wants to smoke, I am surrounded by temptation... well, Nicorette doesn't have the harmful affects of smoking, and I am a social smoker more than anything other than the few times a day I really have a crazy craving, so since I am like a junky NOT wanting to satisfy my nasty fix, but the other junky in the house keeps bringing "the stuff" around, I will get on methadone, or in this case... NICORETTE, lol... Dear Lord, please forgive me for the time I spent smoking and when I messed up when I spoke to you about quitting and prayed hard.  Please forgive me all my sins Father!  I want health; I want strength; I want energy; I want to be a grandma!

Dear Lord, my merciful Father, thank you for letting me, through Your son, Jesus Christ, be Your child.  Thank you Father :)  I am blessed to be in Your heavenly family!  I have a desire of my heart Lord; please take Jason's desire away from smoking as You did mine.  I DON'T WANT to smoke.  Is it easy not to?  NO.  Am I an addict?  Yes, and I am tempted.  Nonetheless, I want to watch my children grow and be a healthy person!!! I do not want my kids to lose me like I lost my mother and stepfather.  I choose to be cleansed of my nasty habits.... I choose for God to use me as He pleases... I will not give up.

Also, I have been having a lot of anxiety these past couple of days... baaaaaad... Last night I started getting scared and just cried because I was embarrassed, and because Jason has to be around it.  I thought in my mind, "Oh Lord, I don't like this... there is no harm in crying since that is how upset I feel about having the attacks in the first place... It never is easy, but I know You will be here with me even if I do not feel You, I believe"... and very quickly, after crying honestly with Jason... it went right away... so much quicker than usual, praise the Father in heaven in Jesus name!!!

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