SO.... I have bought Nicorette gum... now I know that the Lord can get me through this. With Jason not wanting to quit, and he won't even talk about it because he gets mad and wants to smoke, I am surrounded by temptation... well, Nicorette doesn't have the harmful affects of smoking, and I am a social smoker more than anything other than the few times a day I really have a crazy craving, so since I am like a junky NOT wanting to satisfy my nasty fix, but the other junky in the house keeps bringing "the stuff" around, I will get on methadone, or in this case... NICORETTE, lol... Dear Lord, please forgive me for the time I spent smoking and when I messed up when I spoke to you about quitting and prayed hard. Please forgive me all my sins Father! I want health; I want strength; I want energy; I want to be a grandma!
Dear Lord, my merciful Father, thank you for letting me, through Your son, Jesus Christ, be Your child. Thank you Father :) I am blessed to be in Your heavenly family! I have a desire of my heart Lord; please take Jason's desire away from smoking as You did mine. I DON'T WANT to smoke. Is it easy not to? NO. Am I an addict? Yes, and I am tempted. Nonetheless, I want to watch my children grow and be a healthy person!!! I do not want my kids to lose me like I lost my mother and stepfather. I choose to be cleansed of my nasty habits.... I choose for God to use me as He pleases... I will not give up.
Also, I have been having a lot of anxiety these past couple of days... baaaaaad... Last night I started getting scared and just cried because I was embarrassed, and because Jason has to be around it. I thought in my mind, "Oh Lord, I don't like this... there is no harm in crying since that is how upset I feel about having the attacks in the first place... It never is easy, but I know You will be here with me even if I do not feel You, I believe"... and very quickly, after crying honestly with Jason... it went right away... so much quicker than usual, praise the Father in heaven in Jesus name!!!
Over the years, I see we all really change for better or worse, in small ways, daily, and noticeable ways over longer periods of time, becoming more hardened or free. Maybe I can give my kids or even myself, encouragement in trusting that whatever good or bad we face, God will be the King of our daily morph... He can use it all to His glory...
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