Monday, March 12, 2012

God Has Truly Blessed Me Above My Prayers

 I am so thankful for prayer! It's amazing. I prayed for an E2 level of above 100 and ideally 150 so I could ovulate (this number would mean that the egg that was growing in my ovary the most was a healthy egg by how much estradial or E2 it was producing); they had called and said it was only 88, so I prayed... and God gave me 332 the next test!!!! I prayed my Progesterone levels, I said "Please God we need at least 10" This number would have meant I ovulated and God gave me 24! On the sixth they did my pregnancy test (HCG quantitative level) and I prayed for a gooooood pregnancy number, I know this is it I believe!!!!!! And it was 119----Yay I am pregnant---When they called to give me this news they said that they were going to run another Progesterone test to make sure my level was still as good as the 24 it was a week ago (my miscarriage happened bc my Progesterone dropped) and it had risen, praise God to an amazing 40!!!!!! THEN she said that 119 HCG was a good number but that in a week we had to run another HCG to make sure it was doubling as it should every 48-72 hrs. Well, that made me nervous!!!! So I prayed for 952.... it was the high on the scale of doubling (good would have been between 476 and 952).... And after playing a very pins and needles game of phone tag between me and the lady with my results.... my number again thank my Father in heaven was higher AGAIN than I asked for.... it is 1500!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!

Monday, March 5, 2012


i am faithful and though to be excited with me you need proof otherwise you just aren't sure... that is okay, cause Faith is believing in what is unsure, unseen as though it is... when tomorrow comes, my story will only bring faith to you and others more. Thank you to those who chose faith too and not sound so "hope so"... I could tell in the voices who was faithful and who didn't sound so sure... it's the "Yay! I believe it too Sister"s that I focused on... the ones who really got excited with me that showed me who are my support... the others are meant to get something from this, but didn't get to share in faith, only prayerfully they grow from what is ever building my testimony---our trials and blessings are for others as much maybe even more than ourselves. We all are involved. It's everyone's story. At different days we play different parts. It maybe my testimony and faith from which you choose to open your heart to God in a deeper more faithful way or someone else's, but I refuse to not be moved. Someone will be moved from this... from my mom, to Parker to now. I am still saying I know. I believe. When it comes to light whatever day it comes where others have the proof to believe too, I will be able as I do now to say, thank you Father for the faith you gave me... as I trusted you before I saw, and I believed against those who wanted to have proof before the celebration... Thank you Father. You are good all the time. I am so thankful my faith is strong to your glory.... to build your kingdom. Yes, the Devil is in my ear telling me all my sadness from before as if it should affect my today, but in the name of Jesus I rebuke him and believe amidst the unbelief being spoken to me and within me.
Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:1-4 (NKJV)
God put desires in my heart... so I do not buy the unsure attitude that God may not want certain things for my life... I will have faith that His word is no respecter of persons... I continue to claim... in Jesus name... You put this desire in me Lord... I will wait on you to show everyone else what I already know you are giving me.


Sunday, March 4, 2012

March the 4th

What a week!
Waiting.  Tender achy breasts, indigestion, bloated, cramping, tired, peeing all the time, and nauseous.... for daaaaaaaaaaaaaays!

I still kept having that sensation inside of me to yell victoriously that the Lord has given me a baby....  I fight that off as my carnal nature deems that illogical with no positive test yet and won't be seen till Tuesday the 6th...  I really believe this is it though.  I just believe.

It hit me as I was putting away dishes that this maybe is what God is telling me... to speak it!  To speak in faith that this is it.  That IS the definition of faith... not, "I hope so"... not "well, in God's timing"  OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS IN HIS TIMING, but we still speak in faith what is when it is yet unseen.  Jesus said in John 14:13, And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 

Heb 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen -KJV

So even though we pray that the Father's will be done, He also says doing what we ask brings glory to the father through the Son who will do it.  That means my faith can move this mountain. That is the kind of faith I need.  Not just the ho hum, well, do whatever you want God... Yes of course!  You are the Father and you know best!!!!! I love you, because you first loved me!  But our Father WANTS us to bring Him glory by asking and believing for things that come to pass!!!!  Therein lies testimony as well to unbelievers!  And to mustard seed faithed believers alike, the worn out, those like me who have been through the desert and need to know that there is somewhere in green grass I will someday lay beside still waters.

Maybe this is what God is trying to get through to me... I giggle to myself.  Thank you Lord!

I have said now almost a week that this is it... I know this is it.  I know it.  Thank you Father!  Thank you Jesus!!!!

This weekend I looked online to see how long it takes the HCG trigger shot to get out of your system... most every site, and almost every forum said that within 10 days HCG was out of the system, including the HCG manufacturers... and even very legitimate sites stating the 1000 i/u of HCG leaves your body a day... so it would still mean 10 days...

So I bought a pregnancy test... and it came with four friends.

Friday the pregnancy lines were very faint.  Two tests.  Both positive...  Thank YOU Lord I just know!  This is it!

Saturday one test taken.... Darker lines.  If it were the trigger shot causing it (for you skeptics out there), the lines would be getting lighter, not darker, Ha!

Sunday... two tests... neither taken in the morning and both after I had been peeing like a crazy person all afternoon and even darker positive... =)  today is day 13 after injection and I am just speaking in faith and believing this we have our little baby!  So is Jason... and we are so excited!  Although he made me promise to stop buying tests at home since I have doctors I am also paying to take tests...

I had a miscarriage though, and I had to keep taking tests to reassure me it wasn't going away because I knew something was wrong... and I was right... I miscarried in July....  this I confided to him... now he know why I always bought so many

He touched my face with the palm of his hand, and he said this baby is not going away.

And we pinky promised.

I can hardly wait for them to confirm what I already know on Tuesday!  I want to go buy more tests to keep seeing my positive till then, but a promise is a promise and I must be true.


February 28, Tuesday

I went and had my blood drawn this morning....

Of course, no results there; I have to drive home, go to work, and wait.


Dial the PRN line around noon even though she said she would leave a message between 2 and 4.

"No new message"



Dial the PRN line at 12:45pm....

"No new message"



Pick up phone, and make myself put it down.



1:15.  Dial.


"You have one new message"

(Gulp!)  Please Lord, good numbers.... at least ten... higher the better Lord.

 (Holding my breath)

"Hi Kindra this is Hannah from Dr Blackwell's office; your Progesterone levels came back.... 24 (I gasped in awe a sharp inhale and almost squealed in my office).... looks perfect.... See you on the 6th for your pregnancy test"

YES!  Thank you God!!!!  Thank you Father!!!!

Now more waiting =)

Feb 27th Monday

It is so hard to be at work... I just keep thinking "Lord, You know what number I need."  It needs to be at least ten...

I feel kind of odd... I just have this thought within me that says "Going to start saying I am pregnant".  "I am pregnant"...

Course, saying that is ludicrous, right?

People would either think that I have lost my marbles or fertility is driving me crazy...

Keep getting this deep sensation though to shout it from the roof tops.  I don't have a roof top though, and I am nervous that I am not, in fact what is being proclaimed in my poor, obsessive, hopeful brain.

Lord you know what numbers I need.  Please let this be it.