Saturday, November 2, 2013

Saturday Afternoon.... Alone?!?!

Yea, I don't even know what happened.  I took a nap and woke up to Jason giving me two choices: "either you can stay home and have an afternoon to yourself or you can come to Tulsa with us"...


It honestly was a hard decision.  Being away from my son just feels wrong.  No matter the circumstances.  We are RARELY ever separated.

However, I have been really neeeeeeding some uninterrupted art time.  Since that time is basically unheard of, now that it is offered... it was a no-brainer.  Even if it felt like I was missing out on family time.

So, they just left... I lovingly  dressed and kissed and banana-fed my son before hitting the road with his fellow adventurer, Dad and.... here I am.  Walked back into a house, still, so still.  I sit on the length of my couch, looking around at mess and light and it seems lacking, as if there should be noise and bodies completing the scene... odd for it to be so quiet here.  Abandoned toys frozen in silence... the only life in the house seems to be coming from the clock up and to my left.

Chk, Chk, Chk, as if on repeat... as if it is stuttering over and over, unable to free itself from it's boring schpeel, this clock.

In spite of the awkwardness of this house kind of sleeping, resting till the next takeover, it is nice to sit here for a moment.  No one needing me.  Just for a moment.  Thoughts, not letting me forget my task, keep reminding me, I must take advantage of this precious time... I feel like a child on Christmas... excited and in awe of the wonder of the season, but afraid that all too soon it will be gone, and instead of the anticipation of what may happen, I will be left with what didn't happen or that either way, even if it happened nicely, it is still gone again... just the reality that those moments passed by and they always give way to the hustle and bustle of the every day... no one treats the every day as special or to be seized... as if they allow themselves that excuse of Christmas to feel magical and whimsy, and then the season passes and you must push push push, back to business, strapped to the mundane, if you will... So for now, like one of these blocks, books, or toys, I am still, purposefully freezing myself... taking in the refreshment of anticipation and the unkown... busy makes time fly... and this time is so rare.  Once a year, kind of.... like Christmas for a child...

Deep breath in....

(Sigh) Okay, on to the art room to fill every second left available with creativity and energized focus... to do anything I can fit in this time that I have trouble finding time for when the boys are home.  I can feel myself on the inside getting in move-mode... already separating myself from the scene of stillness... the slow and steady ticking of the clock, reminding me that though time is really this methodically slow sounding.... once I move, the noise will fade from my ears and it will seem to whiz, without a sound, on by... but if I can have that full sense of accomplishment at the end of this small fraction of alone time, then I won't feel like I lost any of it.

So here I go.  

Friday, November 1, 2013

Family Evening

You know we don't have many evenings where all of us get to just be together as a family doing what everyone does.  This evening was such a blessing.  We went to the store together and everything!

I finally deleted my Facebook last night.  I am bothered that a person can't really delete it.  I wish it were that easy, but they keep the information so if one is ever bored, he/she remembers, "all I have to do is reactivate"... and then wait the 24 reactivation period. LOL.  I would like to not do that.  I don't want to be on Facebook when I am bored.  In fact, not ever again.  I do love to see what my loved ones are up to and pictures of their families, but I have too much life to live to be watching others post about theirs on the internet off and on all day long.  Time just rains down... sometimes it's hard and sometimes soft, but eventually it will stop; I want to enjoy being on Earth as much as I can until you take me home. My husband works so much, has too many projects, and busies himself too often, so I take care of our baby pretty much by myself most days, and that means time is scarce for myself, and I am believing for energy all day long... So, I am going back to the basics...

Also, thank You that my husband killed a dear last weekend!  This is beyond exciting for me.  It is his first kill, skin, butcher, process, and skull mount.  He is so happy that you have enabled him to put food on our table like men since You began time, and I didn't even think I liked venison until I ate if fresh, but I do!  In fact, I love it!  Thank You Father for blessing my taste buds to enjoy the bounty!!! I thought you had to have a variety of all types of food, but Jason says you don't need variety in protein if it is healthy, so I think we won't buy any other protein for the most part.... just chicken every once in a while.  Really, we don't have much variety in protein anyway... we eat chicken and beef.... the occasional seafood which comes from a can or lunch meat... fresh deer is way better!!!  We will still be eating a variety of vegetables of course ;)  Evan ate his first deer as well... he, like his parents, is a total fan!  I had doubts about him eating wild game as he is a week away from a year old, but then it dawned on me... people have been feeding babies for a looooong time... and I believe the deer is healthier than anything bought from the store.  So, I have faith that You will bless the food to the nourishment of his body, and I have faith that I made the best choice I could make with the knowledge I had and the accountability of his mom and believing You are making all things work for good...  I am sure it, like cooked mushrooms, is a controversy.... which I will give him cooked mushrooms anytime as well!  There is not much he does not eat.... only nuts and honey... that is it.

Lastly, I am waiting for Monday... I have a progesterone test on Monday.... I believe my daughter is on her way... I am not going to type much else as I am not even speaking anything else... not to myself or anyone.  In just those words, even to You... I am faithful...  My daughter is on her way.  Thank You Lord that Jason's quiver is full for your glory.

Good night Father.