So I just believe I am going to get good news. Lord, please let this be it. I get there and have my blood drawn... then I wait.... after I get in, I lay on the hospital bed for my ultrasound... Hannah is friendly in conversation, but non-reactive most of the time during the ultrasound... even if it is good, you have to know what is really good or bad, because you can't react based on her, she says it's good, but she says that the same as on the days when it's not good. I am glad I know what is good, lol.
The ultrasound picture comes on the screen and my first ovary comes in view... HUGE follicle! Or at least, bigger than any I have had in the past. I ask. It is 17mm! That is down right awesome! We have a mature follicle =) This is my first one about ready that I have seen on screen... my lining looks good, too, she says.
Hannah says she'll leave a message on the PRN line with instructions this afternoon. I am so stoked! I call my sister, my grandma, my aunt...
I go home and relax... they said they may have me "trigger" today, so I wait for my message on the PRN line.
I call around noon.
"Kindra, this is Hannah... lining not as thick as we want it... only 6.46...we want it over 7....and your estradial (E2= estrogen) level came back... it is only at an 88... go ahead and injection again Saturday and Sunday as well and we'll see what happens on Monday at 9 am for another ultrasound and blood draw"
My heart sinks.
Why is the follicle mature but the estrogen is not of a mature follicle? God, I don't want to be sad; I want to be faithful. I choose to believe still. You know, though, that the feelings of defeat and confusion are already upon me though I try to fight them.
I wait... then I page Hannah.
She calls back and I ask her if there is medically a chance that this could get better, since I have only ever had a 15 before when my estrogen was up...
She senses that I am sad, and tells me not to worry! This doesn't mean it won't get up there; it just means that it needs a few more days... I won't ovulate before it is ready, and they won't trigger me until they see those numbers up. It is not over, they just want to wait to give me the best chance and circumstances I can have.
Relieved, I hang up and cling to the reassurance. This is it Lord; please let this follicle be my healthy baby.
Over the years, I see we all really change for better or worse, in small ways, daily, and noticeable ways over longer periods of time, becoming more hardened or free. Maybe I can give my kids or even myself, encouragement in trusting that whatever good or bad we face, God will be the King of our daily morph... He can use it all to His glory...
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