Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Ooooo You Make Me Liiiive

So today was gooooooood (said with the beginning of the word good being normal and not too excited, holding the oooo and going up at the end like you are not sure if it was good or not, but you think it was good)  I finally got the call from Floral Haven that Parker's grave marker is in and set.  It really looks... uh.... I was about to say good, but that just doesn't seem right speaking towards such a solemn item.  For what it is, it is the best.  It is a bronze granite marker that is a teddy bear and on it is written:

Parker Boyd Wade
Jan-Aug 2010
Parker Bear Peanut Head

I went by there today; tomorrow I will head to Tulsa with my dad for last minute Christmas shopping (his, not mine) and see if he will take me to set flowers in his vase.  I want to do this every week, or often enough to keep them fresh.  I broke down pretty hard.  I struggle with him being gone.  I know that he is with the Father... I know this.  I just miss him and his porcelain pink skin... I miss his beautiful blue eyes, strawberry-yellow golden curls, little red lips, thick cheeks, cleft chin, big Buddha belly, his peaceful nature, the happiness and calmness at the touch of my hands, how he loved a good spongebath and listening to his music...

Just typing this makes my chest convulse a bit with upcoming sobs being held in-- held in because I did this today already.  He is all better now.  He is with Jesus who came to make us all better.  He doesn't want me to be sad.  I was already sad today... I don't want to go back to crying all the time.  I did nothing else. I am going in the right direction now... Parker is healthy and happy forever now.  Now Mommy needs to be healthy so we can get Parker some brothers and sisters, and more of that sweet joy that babies bring.

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