tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47190396687098813932024-03-04T20:53:18.601-08:00The Daily MorphOver the years, I see we all really change for better or worse, in small ways, daily, and noticeable ways over longer periods of time, becoming more hardened or free. Maybe I can give my kids or even myself, encouragement in trusting that whatever good or bad we face, God will be the King of our daily morph... He can use it all to His glory... Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-61048745880676853322013-12-30T17:52:00.003-08:002013-12-30T17:52:52.173-08:00Vegan Chili from fatfreevegan.comThis is one of the most delicious chili recipes I have ever had! I made it with 8 oz of chopped mushrooms sauteed first in vegetable broth with onions. Today is my second day as a full-fledged vegan. I used a teaspoon of nutritional yeast and a splash of unsweetened soy cream mixed in my serving of chili which I served with a small handful of whole wheat pasta..... MMMMMMH! This recipe alone has made me a believer in vegan dishes.<br />
<br />
Here is the recipe:<br />
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<a href="http://fatfreevegan.com/blog/2013/12/09/moms-vegi-chili/" rel="bookmark" style="color: #417a31; font-family: Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 1.6em; margin: 0px; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" title="Permanent Link to Mom’s Vegi Chili">Mom’s Vegi Chili</a></h2>
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My mom used to make this recipe for me when I was in high school, sometimes waiting for me after basketball practice during the winter. 8 years later…I finally got the recipe. Enjoy!</div>
<ul style="list-style: none; margin: 10px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Recipe by: jdoochin</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Serves: 5-6</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Prep time: 15 minutes</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Cook time: 1 hr 30 minutes</li>
</ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 15px; padding: 0px;">
Ingredients:</div>
<ul style="list-style: none; margin: 10px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> 2 (15 ounce) cans of black beans, drained</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> 2 (15 ounce) cans of dark red kidney beans</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1 (15 ounce) can of red light kidney beans</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1 (12 ounce) can of tomato juice</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">2 (15 ounce) cans of <a href="http://www.hunts.com/products/tomatoes/diced-tomatoeshttp://" style="color: #417a31; margin: 0px; padding: 2px;"> diced tomatoes</a> with roasted garlic</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">3 1/2 tablespoons of chili powder</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1 1/2 – 2 chopped onions</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Salt and pepper</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1 3/4 tablespoons of ground cumin</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1/2 tablespoon of garlic powder</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">3 bay leaves</li>
</ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 15px; padding: 0px;">
Directions:</div>
<ol style="list-style: none; margin: 10px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="list-style: decimal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Combine all the ingredients in a large pot, and bring to a simmer and cover.</li>
<li style="list-style: decimal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Let simmer for an hour and a half.</li>
<li style="list-style: decimal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Add salt and pepper accordingly</li>
<li style="list-style: decimal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Serve</li>
</ol>
<div style="margin-bottom: 15px; padding: 0px;">
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Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-18091785114034225572013-12-29T22:53:00.001-08:002013-12-29T22:53:18.044-08:00VeganSo, since I quit smoking, I have been really wanting to physically be healthier. I have eaten the same way for most of my life. I never had a huge problem with my weight though, until I had children. Specifically my first child. Since his birth, I have struggled. Starving myself is not an option just to eat the types of food I want... I would rather never eat that food and eat as much as I would like, because let's face it, I am overweight, and I can't starve myself just to eat what I like, because, well, lol, then I would be hungry! Ha! So my diet is from the Eat to Live book and lifestyle plan:<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Necessities:<br /><div>
<ul>
<li>2 rounded tsp of nutritional yeast per day</li>
<li>must east at least one cup of beans, legume, bean sprouts, or tofu a day</li>
<li>fruit for breakfast, must eat a salad first before all lunches and dinner, and must eat a fruit after lunches and dinners</li>
<li>Only 1 TBS flax per day</li>
</ul>
Limitations:<br /><ul>
<li>Only 1 cup of starchy veg or whole grain product a day</li>
<li>Only 1 oz of raw nuts or seeds per day</li>
<li>Only 1 cup unswt soy milk per day</li>
</ul>
Unlimited:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>leafy and dark greens (strive to eat lb of each per day)</li>
<li>fruit (must have 4 at least fresh a day; frozen is acceptable)</li>
<li>beans, legume, bean sprouts, and tofu </li>
<li>eggplant, tomato, mushrooms, peppers, and all other non-starchy vegetables including zucchini</li>
</ul>
I am starting out at 155 lb... I have to eat this way for 6 weeks. I am excited because the kickstart of this is aggressive weight loss and I can't wait to feel better. I ate all day long and got plenty of all my needs for the day, including fat, protein, carbs, fiber (obviously lol)... I really want some fat. I am craving butter, pasta and cream sauce, cheese, but I trust this will go away... and nutritional yeast does taste kind of cheesy. That helps! </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-8115528712624293182013-12-29T22:32:00.003-08:002013-12-29T22:32:33.591-08:00Vegan Mushroom Gravy from fatfreevegan.com<h2 class="fn" style="color: #a65f37; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 1.833em 0px 0.611em; padding: 0px;">
Vegan Mushroom Gravy</h2>
<div class="summary" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">My mushroom gravy is always an ad lib affair; I don’t think I ever make it the same way twice. Here’s the basic recipe, but the amounts of herbs should be adjusted as necessary–more for blander foods and less for highly seasoned dishes.</em></div>
<div class="ingredients" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h4 class="ingredients" style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
Ingredients</h4>
<ul class="ingredients" style="list-style: none; margin: 5px 0px 15px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 large onion, minced</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">10 regular-sized or 6 large mushrooms, sliced or chopped</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">2 cloves garlic, minced</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">2 cups vegetable broth</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 – 1 teaspoon dried thyme</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed (optional)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/4 -1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1 tablespoon <a href="http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2011/10/what-the-heck-is-nutritional-yeast.html" style="color: #1fad2d; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" title="All About Nutritional Yeast">nutritional yeast</a></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1 teaspoon sherry (optional)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1 tablespoon soy sauce or gluten-free tamari</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">2 tablespoons unbleached flour (substitute with arrowroot for gluten-free)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/4 cup plain non-dairy milk</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="instructions" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h4 class="instructions" style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
Instructions</h4>
<ol class="instructions" style="margin: 5px 0px 15px 15px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">In a medium-sized non-stick saucepan, saute the onion until beginning to brown, about 5-10 minutes (adding a pinch of baking soda speeds things up). Add the mushrooms and 1 tablespoon of water, and cook for another 3 minutes. Add the garlic, and cook, stirring, for another minute.</li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">Add the vegetable broth, herbs, nutritional yeast, sherry, and soy sauce. In a bowl, whisk or blend (with a hand blender) the “milk” and flour together until smooth. Add it to the saucepan and stir well. Simmer, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste and serve.</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="variations" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h4 style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
Variations</h4>
<div class="variations" style="margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
You can make this gravy more palatable to mushroom-haters by blending it until smooth. For a smoother gravy with some pieces of mushroom, blend only half the gravy.</div>
<div class="variations" style="margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
For a bacony-flavored gravy, add a few drops of Liquid Smoke with the salt and pepper. (Bacony gravy is excellent over biscuits!)</div>
</div>
<div style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
Preparation time: <span class="preptime" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">5 minute(s)<span class="hritem value-title" style="font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" title="PT0H5M"> </span></span>| Cooking time: <span class="cooktime" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">25 minute(s)</span></div>
Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-24689418995812338132013-12-29T22:30:00.002-08:002013-12-29T22:30:39.433-08:00Savory Lentil-Mushroom Burgers from fatfreevegan.comThis recipe is from fatfreevegan.com. She is a genius.<br />
<br />
<h2 class="fn" style="color: #a65f37; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 1.833em 0px 0.611em; padding: 0px;">
Savory Lentil-Mushroom Burgers</h2>
<div class="summary" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">These burgers come together quickly if you have cooked lentils on-hand. I cooked 1 1/2 cups of lentils with a little dried thyme and black pepper in 3 cups water for about 30 minutes and had enough lentils for this recipe and about a cup leftover.</em></div>
<div class="ingredients" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h4 class="ingredients" style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
Ingredients</h4>
<ul class="ingredients" style="list-style: none; margin: 5px 0px 15px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">2 teaspoons chia seeds</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">3 tablespoons warm water</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1 medium onion</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">6 ounces mushrooms, washed</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">3 cloves garlic</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">2 cups cooked lentils (green or brown), well drained</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/3 cup old fashioned oats (certified gluten-free, if necessary)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">2 tablespoons potato starch or cornstarch (see note below)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1 tablespoon soy sauce or wheat-free tamari (omit for soy-free)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1 tablespoon tomato paste</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 teaspoon dried oregano</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 teaspoon dried basil</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/2 teaspoon salt (optional or to taste)</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">1/4 teaspoon dried thyme</li>
<li class="ingredient" style="background-image: url(http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/images/template/gray-bullet.png); background-position: 0px 0.3em; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 16px;">Generous grating black pepper</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="instructions" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h4 class="instructions" style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
Instructions</h4>
<ol class="instructions" style="margin: 5px 0px 15px 15px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">Mix the chia seeds and warm water in a small bowl and set aside. Chop the onion finely. Place the mushrooms into the food processor and pulse until they are finely minced. Mince the garlic.</li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">Heat a non-stick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook until they begin to brown, adding a splash of water if they begin to stick. Stir in the mushrooms and garlic and another splash of water. Cover and cook until the mushrooms soften (about 2-3 minutes), stirring often.</li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">When the mushrooms have softened, transfer them to the food processor and add the lentils. Pulse until the lentils are just combined with the mushrooms. Add the chia seed mixture and all remaining ingredients and pulse to combine well. It’s okay if a few lentils remain whole, but the mixture should be more sticky than crumbly. If it seems too wet, add a little more oats.</li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">Scrape the mixture into a bowl and set aside for about 15 minutes. Preheat the oven to 375F and line a baking sheet with a silicone mat or with parchment paper.</li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">Shape the burger mixture into 6 patties, each about 3 inches wide and 3/4 inch thick. Place them on the prepared pan and bake for about 30 minutes. Since ovens can vary, check them after 25 minutes to make sure they are firm in the middle but not burning and give extra time if necessary.</li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">Use a spatula to remove the burgers from the baking sheet. Serve at once or refrigerate for later use.</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="quicknotes" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h4 class="quicknotes" style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
Notes</h4>
<div style="margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
You can omit the starch, but the burgers may not hold together quite as well.</div>
</div>
<div style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
Preparation time: <span class="preptime" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">20 minute(s)<span class="hritem value-title" style="font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" title="PT0H20M"> </span></span>| Cooking time: <span class="cooktime" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">40 minute(s)<span class="hritem value-title" style="font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" title="PT0H40M"></span></span></div>
<div class="yield" style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
<span class="hrlabel" style="color: #a65f37; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Number of servings (yield): </span><span class="hritem" style="font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">6</span></div>
<div style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
Nutrition (per serving, with salt): <span class="calories" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">130</span> calories, 8 calories from fat, <1g total fat, 0mg cholesterol, 320.2mg sodium, 431mg potassium, 23.5g carbohydrates, 7g fiber, 3g sugar, 8.2g protein, 3.8 points.</div>
Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-89688740946566168492013-11-02T12:52:00.003-07:002013-11-02T12:52:55.137-07:00Saturday Afternoon.... Alone?!?!Yea, I don't even know what happened. I took a nap and woke up to Jason giving me two choices: "either you can stay home and have an afternoon to yourself or you can come to Tulsa with us"...<br />
<br />
What?!<br />
<br />
It honestly was a hard decision. Being away from my son just feels wrong. No matter the circumstances. We are RARELY ever separated. <br />
<br />
However, I have been really neeeeeeding some uninterrupted art time. Since that time is basically unheard of, now that it is offered... it was a no-brainer. Even if it felt like I was missing out on family time.<br />
<br />
So, they just left... I lovingly dressed and kissed and banana-fed my son before hitting the road with his fellow adventurer, Dad and.... here I am. Walked back into a house, still, so still. I sit on the length of my couch, looking around at mess and light and it seems lacking, as if there should be noise and bodies completing the scene... odd for it to be so quiet here. Abandoned toys frozen in silence... the only life in the house seems to be coming from the clock up and to my left.<br />
<br />
<i>Chk, Chk, Chk</i>,<i> </i>as if on repeat... as if it is stuttering over and over, unable to free itself from it's boring schpeel, this clock.<br />
<br />
In spite of the awkwardness of this house kind of sleeping, resting till the next takeover, it is nice to sit here for a moment. No one needing me. Just for a moment. Thoughts, not letting me forget my task, keep reminding me, I must take advantage of this precious time... I feel like a child on Christmas... excited and in awe of the wonder of the season, but afraid that all too soon it will be gone, and instead of the anticipation of what may happen, I will be left with what didn't happen or that either way, even if it happened nicely, it is still gone again... just the reality that those moments passed by and they always give way to the hustle and bustle of the every day... no one treats the every day as special or to be seized... as if they allow themselves that excuse of Christmas to feel magical and whimsy, and then the season passes and you must push push push, back to business, strapped to the mundane, if you will... So for now, like one of these blocks, books, or toys, I am still, purposefully freezing myself... taking in the refreshment of anticipation and the unkown... busy makes time fly... and this time is so rare. Once a year, kind of.... like Christmas for a child...<br />
<br />
Deep breath in....<br />
<br />
(Sigh) Okay, on to the art room to fill every second left available with creativity and energized focus... to do anything I can fit in this time that I have trouble finding time for when the boys are home. I can feel myself on the inside getting in move-mode... already separating myself from the scene of stillness... the slow and steady ticking of the clock, reminding me that though time is really this methodically slow sounding.... once I move, the noise will fade from my ears and it will seem to whiz, without a sound, on by... but if I can have that full sense of accomplishment at the end of this small fraction of alone time, then I won't feel like I lost any of it.<br />
<br />
So here I go. <br />
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<i><br /></i>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-36121239420363960132013-11-01T19:45:00.004-07:002013-11-01T20:50:06.593-07:00Family EveningYou know we don't have many evenings where all of us get to just be together as a family doing what everyone does. This evening was such a blessing. We went to the store together and everything!<br />
<br />
I finally deleted my Facebook last night. I am bothered that a person can't really delete it. I wish it were that easy, but they keep the information so if one is ever bored, he/she remembers, "all I have to do is reactivate"... and then wait the 24 reactivation period. LOL. I would like to not do that. I don't want to be on Facebook when I am bored. In fact, not ever again. I do love to see what my loved ones are up to and pictures of their families, but I have too much life to live to be watching others post about theirs on the internet off and on all day long. Time just rains down... sometimes it's hard and sometimes soft, but eventually it will stop; I want to enjoy being on Earth as much as I can until you take me home. My husband works so much, has too many projects, and busies himself too often, so I take care of our baby pretty much by myself most days, and that means time is scarce for myself, and I am believing for energy all day long... So, I am going back to the basics...<br />
<br />
Also, thank You that my husband killed a dear last weekend! This is beyond exciting for me. It is his first kill, skin, butcher, process, and skull mount. He is so happy that you have enabled him to put food on our table like men since You began time, and I didn't even think I liked venison until I ate if fresh, but I do! In fact, I love it! Thank You Father for blessing my taste buds to enjoy the bounty!!! I thought you had to have a variety of all types of food, but Jason says you don't need variety in protein if it is healthy, so I think we won't buy any other protein for the most part.... just chicken every once in a while. Really, we don't have much variety in protein anyway... we eat chicken and beef.... the occasional seafood which comes from a can or lunch meat... fresh deer is way better!!! We will still be eating a variety of vegetables of course ;) Evan ate his first deer as well... he, like his parents, is a total fan! I had doubts about him eating wild game as he is a week away from a year old, but then it dawned on me... people have been feeding babies for a looooong time... and I believe the deer is healthier than anything bought from the store. So, I have faith that You will bless the food to the nourishment of his body, and I have faith that I made the best choice I could make with the knowledge I had and the accountability of his mom and believing You are making all things work for good... I am sure it, like cooked mushrooms, is a controversy.... which I will give him cooked mushrooms anytime as well! There is not much he does not eat.... only nuts and honey... that is it.<br />
<br />
Lastly, I am waiting for Monday... I have a progesterone test on Monday.... I believe my daughter is on her way... I am not going to type much else as I am not even speaking anything else... not to myself or anyone. In just those words, even to You... I am faithful... My daughter is on her way. Thank You Lord that Jason's quiver is full for your glory.<br />
<br />
Good night Father.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-45424807501840672382013-10-14T11:05:00.001-07:002013-10-14T11:05:04.742-07:00Here We Go AgainWhy do fertility again?<div>
A: Because I know that I have an illness affecting my ovaries. I believe the effects from the PCOS COULD be the reason for what happened to Parker. Fertility does not guarantee a healthy baby. Though I pray God not let us endure another heartache again, I am reassured that I have done all that I could by going through the rigamarole-to make sure the egg getting ready for fertilization is in great shape, producing enough estradial, etc are viable and my body is optimal condition for fertilization... Fertility gives me peace. God will give me the baby we are supposed to have. I am taking my illness out of the equation. So I won't blame myself. Because I have done all I can do.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I don't know if I will get pregnant on this cycle or not. I am hopeful.... for a girl? That would be great! It is a tedious process when cycles come and go and your eggs don't grow enough so you have to cancel this round, etc. BUT I just believe it is happening quickly. I believe excitement is on my horizon! I remember, and I am ready. Thank you Lord for our baby... healthy loving baby! In Jesus name we pray for this joy... Amen.</div>
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<div>
My appointment is Wednesday.</div>
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Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-86532591771882520552013-08-10T21:10:00.000-07:002013-08-10T21:10:05.712-07:00Am I Obligated to be Around Family/People Who Only Cause Me Pain?<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 15.989583969116211px;"> I have been going through some very heavy things in my mind lately. Things that, when thought about at all, become the dwelled upon, contemplation of whether or not to confront my past in the present. Herein lies the issue. This is what I ALWAYS deal with when having anything happen to me. I never want people to be upset with me and don't like for any of my relationships to be tarnished... at the same time, I also desire resolve and for someone who has wounded me to say they are sorry. I think of how simple things were taught to us by our elders when we were all just babes. Teaching us that if we hurt someone even if we didn't mean to we say sorry. We should be honest when we are hurt by our friend and they should in turn, care. However, in my history, I have seen very little of the simple "You hurt me and [this is why]" responded with "I am sorry" ... Even if the person felt they did no wrong, if someone we love is hurting the response should still be a compassionate one. For example, "I am so sorry you are hurt". Instead, I usually see a prideful response. I usually see a defensive or could-care-less attitude and even the more-common-than-it-should-be complete abandonment of relationship due to the honesty in coming to another to seek repair. It is almost as if these elders that taught the ducklings to behave in love have a sense of entitlement that they themselves are beyond decency and humility due to age or who they are in the family or social environment. Nonetheless, relativity and compassion and connection are why we are all here on Earth together so if we act as though others have to care about our feelings but we show no concern for another's then we are essentially cutting ourselves off from those we want in our lives and if we don't care to really be honest, kind, and try to connect with those we say we love, can't we just let each other go and move on and stop being in each other's lives so I can have more peace?!!?!... We all need the closeness of another. Some need a village ;) What is ironic, the moment we are too scared or embarrassed to listen and repent when we have done another harm emotionally or physically, act in pride, defense, or any other condemning manner we become bitter, bit by bit. The first time we are unable to take accountability we teach ourselves to do it again and the more we do it the more we think it is acceptable to hurt others with no consequence. The selfishness of preserving our own feelings at the expense of another's or saving face because others may know we messed up and "what if they think worse of me because I messed up?" Horrified to have others think ill of us or to be deemed less, we actually close ourselves off and become hardened... love is an action... it is strong but is also timid and humble. If you take the soft love out and only know tough love you are not experiencing love in the form for which it was intended and you slowly become engulfed by the walls built to protect your ego... thorns that keep your love from coming through more and more. You see, if I can't tell you what is wrong, and can only say what is approved or acceptable in another's eyes, the relationship is onesided.... other sided. Fake. Fearful even... eggshell walking happens... always having to think before you speak to the point where you can't even be yourself for fear of relaxing so much that you might offend that person again by saying something they deem not okay. Having so many people in my life that are unaccountable and hardened has brought me to a point of who do I stop being around? Do I continue to be fake in certain situations to keep the peace... Is there really peace when you are around another person that only has a good time if you agree with everything or allow them to do as they want... even when just being yourself or speaking about things honestly causes that person to hate you? What happened to our child-like mind of simplicity in relationships... What happened to loving each other and being free to disagree, free to live your life, enjoy your hobbies, relax.... and not run over other people in the process? What happened to caring how you made another feel? </span>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-37833667035593633072013-01-15T22:33:00.001-08:002013-01-15T22:33:11.118-08:00<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Fixed beliefs about people-Often times whenever we dealt with someone enough or even upon meeting them, we decide things about people. They're "this way" or "that". But there are problems with these fixed beliefs… we box them in and we sometimes never let them out of that box even when they don't belong in the box anymore... And what if they didn't belong in the box you made for them in the first place?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">1-People change </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">2-Maybe you weren't right in the first place about a person, but the moment you make a decision about someone your brain no longer processes different information about them- What?! Yea our brains are awesome and powerful... even powerful enough to try and justify our decisions!!!-from then on it will try and process only information that supports your decision---and when we acknowledge this, who wants to admit they were wrong... And even moreso, how would it look if you changed your mind or looked like you were wrong... Lol... I think we all do this to a certain extent... and I hate to think of time wasted by "deciding" people were anything negative...</span>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-2539182582141112512012-04-02T14:58:00.000-07:002012-04-02T14:58:10.052-07:00Finally An Update on Me and Baby!So, I had an ultrasound scheduled for the 27th of March... by my records of assumed ovulation, I should be about 6 weeks and 6 days along... even though my tech said at the office they had me at like barely after six weeks, my ultrasound measured that I was 7w2d... Dr Blackwell said it was great and that I may have ovulated just a little bit earlier than we thought, and even if I am measuring just a little big, then she said that is still very healthy... she said she was so nervous about this visit, but the baby was clear and so perfect... and his (her) heartbeat is sooo strong and already at 133+ b/p/m. <br />
<br />
Oh and by the way, I have always wondered how they do the day counting in pregnancy--here is how my days are counted.... this week is week 8... the first day is 8w0d.... second is 8w1d up to 8w and 6 days... and then it will go to 9 weeks and 0 days....<br />
<br />
So today I am 8w1d according to my ultrasound... this could change by a couple of days on my next ultrasound but who knows... I am so grateful that this blessing is strong and I pray very healthy!!!! My Dr said she was very excited and this baby is healthy. Even if she is speaking in faith, so am I... and Drs usually aren't like that; they only say what they can prove. I know, I have been around them almost as much as I have been around my family over the last couple of years. She is so confident that she can only expect one more appt with me on the 10th.... and that I should go ahead and meet with my regular OB now! Yay!!!!! She also gave me a bunch of prescription PreNatals with Iron, etc.<br />
<br />
I am going to try Dr Steelmon; we will see how my visit with her on the 9th goes. I really enjoy her-I think. I have never enjoyed her staff though... Grrrr. I just want an enjoyable experience, and a healthy baby in my arms in several months.<br />
<br />
A week after my appt. and I have been so constipated for a week that I have been a little worried. I have drank Prune juice like it's water-fiber bars-fiber cereal, etc etc etc... hydrate hydrate hydrate.... doesn't matter. I am conST-ST-ST-ipated... so I called today and she said to stop taking the vitamins and just take 2000 mcg or 2mg of Folic Acid a day.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I have been sicker than sICK for weeks, and barely gotten off the couch. I do have Zofran when I need to get up and clean or, ha ha.... eat! I didn't think it worked well the first couple of times I tried it, but honestly it works fabulously and I am so thankful I have it!<br />
<br />
I can not wait till next week when I get to see and hear baby again. I pray for healthy news every time and am so ecstatic to see my little jellybean's growth! Woohoo! Thank you Father that you love me, and have given me the desire of my heart. You know what I need and have given me the child that is just for us and we are perfect for him (her). Thank you; I praise you!!!! We deserve nothing good, and apart from You, do nothing good. Thank you for grace and mercy. Amen.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-33426169446299850112012-03-12T14:40:00.002-07:002012-03-12T14:40:33.597-07:00God Has Truly Blessed Me Above My Prayers<span style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;"> I am so thankful for prayer! It's amazing. I prayed for an E2 level of above 100 and ideally 150 so I could ovulate (this number would mean that the egg that was growing in my ovary the most was a healthy egg by h</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">ow much estradial or E2 it was producing); they had called and said it was only 88, so I prayed... and God gave me 332 the next test!!!! I prayed my Progesterone levels, I said "Please God we need at least 10" This number would have meant I ovulated and God gave me 24! On the sixth they did my pregnancy test (HCG quantitative level) and I prayed for a gooooood pregnancy number, I know this is it I believe!!!!!! And it was 119----Yay I am pregnant---When they called to give me this news they said that they were going to run another Progesterone test to make sure my level was still as good as the 24 it was a week ago (my miscarriage happened bc my Progesterone dropped) and it had risen, praise God to an amazing 40!!!!!! THEN she said that 119 HCG was a good number but that in a week we had to run another HCG to make sure it was doubling as it should every 48-72 hrs. Well, that made me nervous!!!! So I prayed for 952.... it was the high on the scale of doubling (good would have been between 476 and 952).... And after playing a very pins and needles game of phone tag between me and the lady with my results.... my number again thank my Father in heaven was higher AGAIN than I asked for.... it is 1500!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOHH<wbr></wbr><span class="word_break" style="display: inline-block;"></span>HHHOOOOOOOOO!</span>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-7794310133143682752012-03-05T14:04:00.002-08:002012-03-05T14:04:09.852-08:00I KNOW TOMORROW THEY ARE GOING TO CONFIRM WHAT I ALREADY KNOW TO BE TRUE!!!!!!<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">i am faithful and though to be excited with me you need proof otherwise you just aren't sure... that is okay, cause Faith is believing in what is unsure, unseen as though it is... when tomorrow comes, my story will only bring faith to you and others more. Thank you to those who chose faith too and not sound so "hope so"... I could tell in the voices who was faithful and who didn't sound so sure..</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">. it's the "Yay! I believe it too Sister"s that I focused on... the ones who really got excited with me that showed me who are my support... the others are meant to get something from this, but didn't get to share in faith, only prayerfully they grow from what is ever building my testimony---our trials and blessings are for others as much maybe even more than ourselves. We all are involved. It's everyone's story. At different days we play different parts. It maybe my testimony and faith from which you choose to open your heart to God in a deeper more faithful way or someone else's, but I refuse to not be moved. Someone will be moved from this... from my mom, to Parker to now. I am still saying I know. I believe. When it comes to light whatever day it comes where others have the proof to believe too, I will be able as I do now to say, thank you Father for the faith you gave me... as I trusted you before I saw, and I believed against those who wanted to have proof before the celebration... Thank you Father. You are good all the time. I am so thankful my faith is strong to your glory.... to build your kingdom. Yes, the Devil is in my ear telling me all my sadness from before as if it should affect my today, but in the name of Jesus I rebuke him and believe amidst the unbelief being spoken to me and within me.<br />
Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.<br />
Psalm 37:1-4 (NKJV)<br />
God put desires in my heart... so I do not buy the unsure attitude that God may not want certain things for my life... I will have faith that His word is no respecter of persons... I continue to claim... in Jesus name... You put this desire in me Lord... I will wait on you to show everyone else what I already know you are giving me.</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;"><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">TOMORROW I WILL HEAR POSITIVE IN JESUS NAME.</span>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-42186532887260819442012-03-04T23:35:00.000-08:002012-03-04T23:35:22.650-08:00March the 4thWhat a week! <br />
Waiting. Tender achy breasts, indigestion, bloated, cramping, tired, peeing all the time, and nauseous.... for daaaaaaaaaaaaaays!<br />
<br />
I still kept having that sensation inside of me to yell victoriously that the Lord has given me a baby.... I fight that off as my carnal nature deems that illogical with no positive test yet and won't be seen till Tuesday the 6th... I really believe this is it though. I just believe.<br />
<br />
It hit me as I was putting away dishes that this maybe is what God is telling me... to speak it! To speak in faith that this is it. That IS the definition of faith... not, "I hope so"... not "well, in God's timing" OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS IN HIS TIMING, but we still speak in faith what is when it is yet unseen. Jesus said in John 14:13, <span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. </span><br />
<br />
Heb 11:1<br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen -KJV</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">So even though we pray that the Father's will be done, He also says doing what we ask brings glory to the father through the Son who will do it. That means my faith can move this mountain. That is the kind of faith I need. Not just the ho hum, well, do whatever you want God... Yes of course! You are the Father and you know best!!!!! I love you, because you first loved me! But our Father WANTS us to bring Him glory by asking and believing for things that come to pass!!!! Therein lies testimony as well to unbelievers! And to mustard seed faithed believers alike, the worn out, those like me who have been through the desert and need to know that there is somewhere in green grass I will someday lay beside still waters.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">Maybe this is what God is trying to get through to me... I giggle to myself. Thank you Lord!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">I have said now almost a week that this is it... I know this is it. I know it. Thank you Father! Thank you Jesus!!!!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">This weekend I looked online to see how long it takes the HCG trigger shot to get out of your system... most every site, and almost every forum said that within 10 days HCG was out of the system, including the HCG manufacturers... and even very legitimate sites stating the 1000 i/u of HCG leaves your body a day... so it would still mean 10 days...</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">So I bought a pregnancy test... and it came with four friends.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Friday the pregnancy lines were very faint. Two tests. Both positive... Thank YOU Lord I just know! This is it!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Saturday one test taken.... Darker lines. If it were the trigger shot causing it (for you skeptics out there), the lines would be getting lighter, not darker, Ha!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Sunday... two tests... neither taken in the morning and both after I had been peeing like a crazy person all afternoon and even darker positive... =) today is day 13 after injection and I am just speaking in faith and believing this we have our little baby! So is Jason... and we are so excited! Although he made me promise to stop buying tests at home since I have doctors I am also paying to take tests...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I had a miscarriage though, and I had to keep taking tests to reassure me it wasn't going away because I knew something was wrong... and I was right... I miscarried in July.... this I confided to him... now he know why I always bought so many</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">He touched my face with the palm of his hand, and he said this baby is not going away.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">And we pinky promised.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I can hardly wait for them to confirm what I already know on Tuesday! I want to go buy more tests to keep seeing my positive till then, but a promise is a promise and I must be true.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG</span></span></div>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-74740612109164698772012-03-04T23:06:00.000-08:002012-03-04T23:06:52.339-08:00February 28, TuesdayI went and had my blood drawn this morning....<br />
<br />
Of course, no results there; I have to drive home, go to work, and wait.<br />
<br />
Wait....<br />
<br />
Dial the PRN line around noon even though she said she would leave a message between 2 and 4.<br />
<br />
"No new message"<br />
<br />
Wait....<br />
<br />
Wait....<br />
<br />
Dial the PRN line at 12:45pm....<br />
<br />
"No new message"<br />
<br />
Wait...<br />
<br />
Wait...<br />
<br />
Pick up phone, and make myself put it down.<br />
<br />
Wait...<br />
<br />
Wait...<br />
<br />
1:15. Dial.<br />
<br />
Wait....<br />
<br />
"You have one new message"<br />
<br />
(Gulp!) Please Lord, good numbers.... at least ten... higher the better Lord.<br />
<br />
(Holding my breath)<br />
<br />
"Hi Kindra this is Hannah from Dr Blackwell's office; your Progesterone levels came back.... 24 (I gasped in awe a sharp inhale and almost squealed in my office).... looks perfect.... See you on the 6th for your pregnancy test"<br />
<br />
YES! Thank you God!!!! Thank you Father!!!!<br />
<br />
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Now more waiting =)Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-9299995808096883992012-03-04T23:01:00.000-08:002012-03-04T23:01:10.572-08:00Feb 27th MondayIt is so hard to be at work... I just keep thinking "Lord, You know what number I need." It needs to be at least ten...<br />
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I feel kind of odd... I just have this thought within me that says "Going to start saying I am pregnant". "I am pregnant"...<br />
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Course, saying that is ludicrous, right?<br />
<br />
People would either think that I have lost my marbles or fertility is driving me crazy... <br />
<br />
Keep getting this deep sensation though to shout it from the roof tops. I don't have a roof top though, and I am nervous that I am not, in fact what is being proclaimed in my poor, obsessive, hopeful brain.<br />
<br />
Lord you know what numbers I need. Please let this be it.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-86133852953165386972012-02-26T18:35:00.000-08:002012-02-26T18:35:21.768-08:00CrampyI am getting some crampiness right now. It is just like very like menstrual cramps. I am getting excited because I just know it is from implantation.... I just know it is! We already have the boy's first name; it's funny, because I wanted this name the first time I was pregnant but Jas was not having it, but I say it again a couple of years later and loves it. Ha! Funny.<br />
<br />
I go to the Dr in two days to find out my progesterone level. Waiting to hear what I already know is just so...... I am on the edge of my seat for the time to hurry up... but I am enjoying also paying attention to my body at this time as well.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-33779512239637801712012-02-24T21:29:00.000-08:002012-02-24T21:29:40.163-08:00Cooking and CleaningI am about to watch a movie.... "The Way" with Martin Sheen by his son Emilio... looked really awesome on the trailor.<br />
<br />
This evening after I got off work, I cooked spaghetti squash, onion, asparagus, crimini mushrooms, ground beef and eggplant/garlic spaghetti sauce. It was so delicious! I served with with garlic butter Ezekiel bread. YUM.<br />
<br />
I cleaned the kitchen and am trying to sort through my living room... it looks like a laundry room/sewing area... YIKES!<br />
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Tomorrow I plan on working for a few hours. I won't charge my boss as today felt very unproductive though I seemed to be busy the whole time.<br />
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My husband's grandma, Lou, is in town this weekend at her house in Bixby. She has been diagnosed with cancer, many tumors... so sad. On a praiseful note, she has responded really well to chemo and is having surgery soon on the shrunken tumors... so thank you Lord! Jason wanted us to go over there tomorrow, but I told him he needed time with her on his own. She and I aren't close, though I love her. I just don't feel as if she or his mother care for me really, so I don't want the awkwardness to creep into what could be a great visit for them. Maybe next time I will go.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-59552183279935197582012-02-24T14:25:00.000-08:002012-02-24T14:25:40.277-08:00Coffee-TaupeMy mom always said she liked her coffee taupe; I like mine that way, too. However, I do add some agave nectar to mine. She only wanted real half and half in hers. Today is going well. I feel a load has been lifted off of me since I let my boss know my true feelings pertaining to my job here. Although, that freedom has made me very lax about wanting to come to work at all. I keep believing that Tuesday I will find out the my Progesterone levels are wonderful and expect on the 6th of March to see a positive pregnancy test. Please Lord, let this be the month.<br />
<br />
I want to be home. I want to be indulging in cooking and cleaning... art and sewing...<br />
<br />
It's funny how over the last year, it has been hard to do those things. Now that I have a job that I don't need or care for, but have gotten used to being busy all day, I would so rather this busy-ness be done within my home. Thank you Lord, for this experience as it has ignited my joy to be home. I pray for the opportunity soon to do that; I pray that Tuesday I hear good news toward my pregnancy and I can begin a new season in my life.<br />
<br />
I have already started taking my Folic Acid... an elevated dosage recommended by my OBGYN way back when we first started trying to conceive again. I am glad I stopped taking it then since it has been over a year (I am supposed to take 4000mcg---the average woman needs 400 and the pregnant woman needs 800, so it is substantially higher). I have continued to take PreNatals though... because every month I planned on being pregnant.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-37512491844797142802012-02-22T23:55:00.000-08:002012-02-22T23:55:41.321-08:00ExhaustedI am exhausted, but it is after one in the morning. I NEVER stay up this late. WHY?!?!? Why did I? OH thaaaaaaaat's right. I rented two movies from Redbox two days ago I didn't have time to watch so I crammed them in tonight, and forfeited my rest. Not a smart move! I love being rested. I need to remember that the next time I don't think before I spend money on something I don't have time to use.<br />
<br />
I am looking up baby names, even though Jason is already so sure, and I kind of suggested all these names in the first place. I may convince him to budge while I am growing (I am speaking in faith here) over the next nine months. Ha! I almost changed Parker's name at the last minute, so we'll see.<br />
<br />
That brings me to my thought tonight: I am sure people don't like some other people's names. We don't tell someone usually though that we don't like their name. Once a baby is born, one doesn't say, "Oh, I don't like that; I am going to call them _____". No, those of us who want the people we love to still hang out with us know better... Why do people lose all that self control when you are pregnant and feel free to comment on whatever name they don't like with reckless abandon? It is the same thing as when I am eating my delicious lunch and you notice whatever it is of which I am partaking, and decide, WHILE I AM EATING IT, to tell me just how gross you think it is. Although I do enjoy that you have opinions, in times like these, shhhh. The world needs variety; if everyone liked what you liked and were just like you, it would be so boring! Take joy in our differences and enjoy the freedom to name your kid Sparkle or whatever YOU want, and I won't rain on your parade =)<br />
<br />
Okay, so tonight, in faith, I started taking my high dosage of Folic Acid. I am so excited. <br />
<br />
Also, I was reading my Christian book <u>Boundaries</u>, and got to James 5:16 <span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">Confess </span><i style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">your</i><span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"> faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. And I went about my afternoon... this scripture simmering in my heart. I really don't enjoy the tediousness of what I do, and that I am so overqualified, a people person, and so energetic that I just don't belong in a pile of paper scanning all day and filing in a room... AAAAH! BUT to help me kind of enjoy it I went home and grabbed my IPOD. As I was listening to my classical orchestra jams, I realized how happy I was, my movement was rhythmical, my demeanor was uplifted. When my chores were over for the day, I pulled out my earbuds and headed to Bret's office. I sat down in the chair across from his desk and shared my heart. I told him thank you for hiring me last year, when I could barely function in life at all after Parker died, and helping me to have something routine, probably being a catalyst for me rejoining the living in some ways..... but this year, I am saddened to admit that I am alive again, and I don't fit here. I have to have human connection and variety... I am way over qualified, and I just don't enjoy it. I want to. I love the people I work with, but I just don't like the work that I do. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">I am so proud that I was able to do it. All from James. I wanted to confess to Bret. I felt a weight lifted off of me. I didn't quit; we are thinking about what I shall do. I offered to train someone; I told him that for sure it would be a struggle to complete this tax season. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">I just have 'cabin fever' per se... thaaaat bad. I don't want to be treated as if 'scanner girl' is as smart as I am; a scanner girl was all I could muster after Parker went home. I am not in that place anymore. A job is over half my waking hours. If I have one, which I don't need in the first place, I want to look forward to going. I want to know that 'I' am in there in some way.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">That's keeping you 'in the know' for now.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">Good night.</span>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-35174835048392000582012-02-21T06:25:00.000-08:002012-02-21T06:25:00.381-08:00HCG for me. None for you?<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">I just gave myself a trigger shot for the first time. I did really well! I guess 6 days of injecting FSH has taken away any hesitation. I wonder if I could start an IV on myself too lol. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">I DID just trigger the HCG hormone.... so there is a chance I could have a really emotional next couple of weeks =)</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">Okay so there is more of a chance of me crying than not, but hopefully good happy crying. Last time I took this I cried at the stove, and I joke that is was because I was cooking chicken and wanted beef. It was seriously less complicated than that. I didn't have a reason at all. Ha!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px; text-align: left;">I woke up before 6:30am. I planned on going back to sleep afterward. Alas, I am awake at 7:45! I guess I will go into work around 9:30 or so instead of later. I am sure my boss will enjoy that as I have much to do. </span><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 12px;">My boss has been a little friendlier the last few days I have worked, and that helps me feel a little better about not being home as much. Between fertility doctor visits in downtown Tulsa in the mornings, visits to 61st and Lewis in Tulsa in the evening, trying to cook, clean and do laundry and work over 30 hours a week, I feel stretched pretty thin. Not to mention the rollercoaster of emotions that fertility brings in general. Rollercoaster of emotions, not a rollercoaster of faith, though. My God can do all things. Even when I don't feel Him, I know He has never left my side. I do not have to earn His love; I cannot lose His love. I believe He said for me to be fruitful and multiply as well. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; color: #231f20; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; color: #231f20; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; color: #231f20; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" (</span><a class="lbsBibleRef" data-reference="Psalm 127.3-4" data-version="esv" href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/Psalm%20127.3-4" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #f8f8f8; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #634956; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Psalm 127:3-4</a><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; color: #231f20; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">).</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; color: #231f20; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: #f8f8f8; color: #231f20; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">I believe. </span></div>Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-91684743240116878562012-02-20T17:30:00.000-08:002012-02-20T17:30:55.168-08:00Monday Feb 20th, Doctors VisitI went in today... I prayed for 150 but at least over 100.... You know what numbers I need Lord. I called my sister. I went in and got my ultrasound.... my follicle is 21, yay! And she said my lining looks over 7, which is def what we want. Now we just have to wait for my blood work... and I go home and go to work. She will leave me a message that I will receive around 2-4.<br />
<br />
I start calling around 12:30 because I just can't think of anything else.<br />
12:45<br />
1:00<br />
1:15 and there is one new message! AAAaaaaah! Please God. We need good numbers...<br />
<br />
"Hi Kindra, this is Hannah from... your estradial is 332..." and I inhale sharply out of sheer excitement! Thank you God!!!!!!! It is perfect; it far exceeds what was even considered fine. Thank you!!!!!!! Oh thank you!!!! Please let this be the month. "...your lining needed to be at least a 7 and it is 9.3..." YES!!!!! "... and your follicle is a 21... you will....(ahem) tonight.... and trigger in the morning first thing and then (ahem) on the 22nd.... we will run your Progesterone levels on the 28th and your pregnancy test will be on the 6th"<br />
<br />
Thank you God for fabulous numbers. Please let this follicle become my healthy baby... please let this be the month. <br />
<br />
So now I go about my business, triggering tomorrow (injecting myself with HCG hormone to make me release the mature egg within 36 hours) and then wait for Progesterone levels on the 28th .... next Tuesday.... welcome to my rollercoaster.<br />
<br />
Lots of prayers.<br />
Keep you in the Know.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-38239642389254538822012-02-20T17:21:00.000-08:002012-02-20T17:21:51.474-08:00Sunday Feb 19thWhat a busy weekend we had! We had dinner with my Godson's family who came into town for his baptism. We went our nephew's to see him for his birthday (1st bday) and then went to our friends and visited for a bit... Today we went to church for Liam's baptism (awesome btw) and then ate lunch, went to Michael's Craft store and home, took a nap (four hours constitutes more of a nap in my opinion tho), and got up, watched a movie, and went to sleep... oh and I was up early both days for more injections.... tomorrow I get another ultrasound and get to hear what my follicle is doing and my estrogen levels and lining... Dear Lord, my estrogen you know needs to be above 100 at least but ideally at least 150 per mature follicle. Please God. Please. You said be fruitful. Please mean me too.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-32187909728791414612012-02-20T17:17:00.000-08:002012-02-20T17:17:19.081-08:00February 17th, Folliistim Pin Injection 5, Friday Dr VisitSo I just believe I am going to get good news. Lord, please let this be it. I get there and have my blood drawn... then I wait.... after I get in, I lay on the hospital bed for my ultrasound... Hannah is friendly in conversation, but non-reactive most of the time during the ultrasound... even if it is good, you have to know what is really good or bad, because you can't react based on her, she says it's good, but she says that the same as on the days when it's not good. I am glad I know what is good, lol.<br />
<br />
The ultrasound picture comes on the screen and my first ovary comes in view... HUGE follicle! Or at least, bigger than any I have had in the past. I ask. It is 17mm! That is down right awesome! We have a mature follicle =) This is my first one about ready that I have seen on screen... my lining looks good, too, she says.<br />
<br />
Hannah says she'll leave a message on the PRN line with instructions this afternoon. I am so stoked! I call my sister, my grandma, my aunt...<br />
<br />
I go home and relax... they said they may have me "trigger" today, so I wait for my message on the PRN line.<br />
<br />
I call around noon.<br />
<br />
"Kindra, this is Hannah... lining not as thick as we want it... only 6.46...we want it over 7....and your estradial (E2= estrogen) level came back... it is only at an 88... go ahead and injection again Saturday and Sunday as well and we'll see what happens on Monday at 9 am for another ultrasound and blood draw"<br />
<br />
My heart sinks.<br />
<br />
Why is the follicle mature but the estrogen is not of a mature follicle? God, I don't want to be sad; I want to be faithful. I choose to believe still. You know, though, that the feelings of defeat and confusion are already upon me though I try to fight them.<br />
<br />
I wait... then I page Hannah.<br />
<br />
She calls back and I ask her if there is medically a chance that this could get better, since I have only ever had a 15 before when my estrogen was up...<br />
She senses that I am sad, and tells me not to worry! This doesn't mean it won't get up there; it just means that it needs a few more days... I won't ovulate before it is ready, and they won't trigger me until they see those numbers up. It is not over, they just want to wait to give me the best chance and circumstances I can have.<br />
<br />
Relieved, I hang up and cling to the reassurance. This is it Lord; please let this follicle be my healthy baby.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-79101930513018705252012-02-19T21:00:00.001-08:002012-02-19T21:00:38.381-08:00February 16th, Folliistim Pin Injection 4, ThursdayTomorrow i go back to the Doctor and she will tell me the progress of my injections. I can't wait to hear good news!Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4719039668709881393.post-88915737676475198012012-02-19T20:55:00.000-08:002012-02-19T20:55:44.286-08:00February 15th, 2012, Wednesday 3rd InjectionFever gone and feeling great. Glad that came and went as fast as it did. The only side effect I am having from the injections it seems is headaches. Dull, weird headaches. I just know this is it. Oh Lord, I keep believing. Please bring my efforts and desire into fruition... healthy, healthy baby... babies.Mrs. Wadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08015506567796967957noreply@blogger.com0